Another boy.... lost

Feeling so defeated. And feeling so guilty about it. 20 weeks and just found out it’s a boy again.

I cried all night because my lifelong dreams of dresses and bows is pretty much over. Plus both of our families were relying on us to break the boy streak and give the families a girl, so more added pressure there, I don’t even want to tell them and go through the heartbreak all over again.

I truly can’t imagine a life without a daughter but the thought of trying again when it could be even more boys scares the hell out of me, I was already wary of trying for this one for that reason.

Dad seems so think it’s fine to just keep trying until we “get it right” but hello kids are expensive and we’re barely making it already. And we aren’t getting any younger. His words were “well I guess I can’t get snipped yet” and it kills me knowing he wants to give me that dream but there are no guarantees.

I just wanted some female, girly energy in the house but I feel like I’ll never be that lucky. Just mud, smelly socks and sports for the rest of my days.

I just don’t know what to do for the rest of this pregnancy, I don’t want to shop for a boy, I don’t want to name a boy, I didn’t want another boy. And I feel so selfish for it hurting so much because this little baby deserves so much love and excitement for it’s life but I can’t stop crying at the thought of being the only female in this madhouse.