Speechless, broken and angry

I am 41, had a missed miscarriage back in January which took almost 45 days, seeing my babies heartbeat slowly go from 90 to 0 and then after weeks of waiting for tissue to pass, had to go through D&c.We have done months of trying since then including painful IUIs and my body refusing to accept the medications. Doctor asked us to do

IVF

with very minimal chance of success due to my low AMH. Me and my husband jointly decided to stop all the medicated efforts and try naturally. With several months of constant disappointment, I finally got a positive. I was elated, excited and thankful that God answered my prayers and believed I would have a sticky bean.

Doctor did my blood work at 5-6 wk mark and found my progestrone levels at 10.3 calling it as low. They prescribed me supplements which I immediately took, I was so scared for my history to repeat. My hcg was 12700 around week 6 at this point. A week later my hcg was 13300 or so which doctor called as low and asked to do an ultrasound. Bpm came 89. Very low. My heart started sinking but I latched on to the hope that this may be too early and It would sure go up. The following ultrasound which was yesterday, technician struggled to find the heartbeat. After multiple tries she gathered bpm at 47. Nurses and doctors have said there is no hope but I still want to hope for a miracle on Monday ultrasound. I am trying for a second opinion but still waiting for an appointment. My heart is broken, my faith is broken. I felt, with this pregnancy, my angel baby is watching over us, but it seems they are

so ready to unite in heaven.

I am so unhappy and desperate to give a sibling to my daughter but it seems to be more and more impossible with my growing age.

I am lost, my heart still waiting for a miracle on Monday, prayers 🙏🏼🤞🏻😭