He wants an abortion

I am currently 14w today and my partner very strongly wants an abortion. We only found out at 10w and when I told him he suggested abortion but said he would support which ever decision I made. But as the days have gone on, it’s like a subject we hardly talk about but when we do his opinion on abortion has just got stronger and stronger. To the point he says I hope you choice the right choice. My heart just breaks for this little baby, the love I have for it is insane! I’m getting emotional just writing this. My partner gets annoyed each time we talk about it because I end up just crying. I haven’t verbally said that I want to keep this baby honestly because I feel like I don’t have a choice. I have made some really bad choices in the past year (no cheating or anything like that) that has really backfired and affected my partner and I really badly. I feel like I can’t make the decision on this because of all the bad decisions I’ve made recently - if that makes sense.

The worse part is this makes my partner sound like an arsehole when he really isn’t, honestly now isn’t the right time for a baby. Then again is there ever a right time for a baby? We are finally starting to get our feet back on the ground, hell 4 months ago we were relying on our parents to pay our rent! Our relationship needs to get a lot not so much better but stronger. Our relationship is probably at the worst it’s ever been. I honestly don’t think I could ever go through an abortion let alone live with myself if I did. He knows I have until 19 weeks to have an abortion, he thinks I am looking into it and have referrals for the counsellor and the physiologist that I need to see before hand, and that I am just waiting for an appointment. Honestly it probably wouldn’t hurt to see the counsellor, just to have someone to talk to about it all.

I know medically if I was told I couldn’t have an abortion he would take it so much better than if I said I didn’t want one. I have uterine abnormalities that am going to try and use to my advantage and tell him possibly that I can’t have an abortion because of the risk of damage and perforation. I can’t get in to talk to my GP until the 2nd of Jan, she is aware of how my partner is feeling, I just wish I had someone to talk to. It isn’t anything I feel comfortable to with anyone in my personal life, no one other than my partner knows about the pregnancy.

I had my NT scan yesterday and I went by myself cause he was working and it was amazing. I just felt pure love, I had the most amazing sonographer who just went over everything and explained everything. This little baby was wriggling like crazy! Waving their little hand hi at me. For my uterine abnormality the sonographer said that my placenta couldn’t have been in a more perfect place! Which broke my heart because that was always something I was so scared of with having kids. My biggest fear in life is not being able to have kids. What if this is my only chance for a child with my uterine abnormalities? My Mum could only have 2 kids with hers and we are 8 years apart because of it.

My heart really does break for this little baby, we weren’t being the smartest at all when it came to sex. I have always been so against myself having an abortion, and hated when people would use abortion as a form of birth control - when in this case it really would be! I have always thought if you can’t be responsible for the risk of pregnancy if you’re having sex than you shouldn’t be having sex.

I’ve added a photo of my little one from yesterday’s ultrasound. My little one is so beyond perfect. The sonographer gave my my results for Down syndrome, average chance for a person my age is 1:840 my chance is 1:4300!! Same with the other two that were tested Trisomy 18 and 13 the average chance for a person my age for those two are 1:840 and mine is 1:2000 for both.