Please bare with me as this post might be all over the place with emotions.

I'm 2 months post partum after having our 2nd child, pretty much would have conceived literally as soon as we were cleared to have sex again. I feel so damn stupid. My husband and I both knew the risks, we knew everything, and yet were still dumb about it and didn't protect ourselves and now here we are which just makes matters worst.

I'm a little overweight, enough to be medically considered obese. I've had two c sections, so being pregnant again so soon is a worry itself.

My husband and I don't know what to do. He brought up the idea that we could go this route and I honestly hate myself for even thinking about it. For making it a possibility. I feel like for my health physically and mentally maybe it is something we should really go through with. But then again, would doing such a thing mess with me even more?

I mean how will I actually cope knowing we could have possibly had a 3rd but to me what feels more like selfish reasons we chose not to?

And it's just like in honesty we aren't ready for a 3rd at all. Being pregnant and having our 2nd baby took not only a toll on me but on our marriage too and my husband and I are finally able working on that and starting to get better again so it's like having another baby and going through everything can make everything take a turn again. I'm a sahm now, but having 3 would mean my husband would have to possibly change his job so he can be home more. We would probably just hire my mom as a babysitter so I then can work too. I think about our two year old and how this could effect him. I think about the fact that we will be having another baby before our current baby is even 1. I'm happy with life right now, I'm happy with what we already have. I've always wanted two kids and that's it. So I can't even picture us having one more. I dont know how I will handle one more when it's already hard with what we have now. Our toddler is a very strong determined two year old who will someday probably run this world lol (jk, but he's definitely got it in him).

I'm at a lost.

My husband says either way he will be fine with whatever decision we make. But a part of me feels like with him bringing it up maybe he does want that more? Talking to him about it he seems just as confused as me though.

Please any advice or support is really needed.

*I'd like to add that this is a SUPPORT group, if you don't have anything nice at all to say you can simply move on. No rude comments are necessary. Haven't you ever heard of "don't kick a dog while its down?" Yeah its unwanted and its rude. I'm hurting enough as it is. Our second baby also had to be in NICU for 3 weeks after we had him for health reasons that could also fall into this baby. So it's more than that. Yes we were stupid and got caught up in the moment. It happens!! He even has an appointment for a vasectomy after Christmas. So we are trying to protect ourselves and typically have been using condoms. But like I said, this particular moment which yes I even know when it happened because of the fact we didn't use a condom, just got the best of us. We were thinking about getting plan B but thought no, we wouldn't need it. We were wrong.

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