Am i wrong for feeling this way?

Question

So i need some outside opinions, and also to rant a bit. My MIL has been horrible this whole pregnancy. She’s always been a very overbearing woman, super opinionated and just has a way of making you feel so uncomfortable/stupid. ever since i got pregnant it feels like she has no respect for my wishes unless she is called out, and even then she will continue to share her opinions to my husband behind my back. My parents are super wonderful & have been planning an awesome baby shower, and i’m sure as you all know they can get pricy quick. When they asked my MIL if she would be able to chip in at all for her guest list we were given, she tried to cheap shot everything (were already doing things as cost efficient as possible) & eventually told us she wants nothing to do with the shower. She’s been the main reason i’m not enjoying my pregnancy & all i can do is stress about when the baby is born because i know she will not respect anything i want. So my question is, am i wrong for planning on not telling her when i go into labor? I only want my mother & sister, and of course my husband in the room. I don’t even want this woman waiting at the hospital because i’m sure she will sneak her way into my room & make my labor complicated. Me and my husband agreed to call her after the baby is born, when i’ve had time to get myself together and bond with my baby first. Has anyone else done something similar, or do i need to suck up my pride and call her when i go into labor?

Answer

Fuck that! 
You are pushing a baby out of you! It is your call and NO one else's!
This baby has been part of you for 9 months. You'll want all the skin on skin time you can. You want support, not stress. 
Seriously, put your foot down now or your MIL will NEVER respect you. Its time to start calling the shots or you are in for a life time of struggles. Battles over holidays, visits, etc.
My MIL and I had huge problems before my daughter was born. Now she kisses my ass because she knows I control the grandchildren and that they are mine.
If she asks, just tell her point blank.  You haven't been supportive during the pregnancy, your behaviour over the shower really hurt me, and I've made my decision.  Done! Better yet, have your hubby tell her.

Answer

We are telling my husbands family not to come till the weekend. We are scheduled for a c section on Wednesday March 25. So I asked him if he was on with having them wait till the weekend to come and he agreed that was best. His family lives in Texas. My family all live within a 5 mile radius of us and we don’t have a problem with them being there. Also his dad and step mom tend to always drag along the step mom’s grandkids (who get treated better by my father in law than his own biological kids) with them and I do not want her to come with them. My husband’s dad is who we would really rather wait to come see the baby because they don’t tend to care about what we ask.

Answer

Labor is hard enough without an unwanted visitor. I 100% do not want anyone at the hospital until after this delivery (other than husband). You are completely entitled to tell visitors whenever you are ready and not before! Sorry it's been stressful.

Answer

I keep going back and forth with this. My parents live in Florida and we’re in NJ, so of course we’ll let them know when I’m in labor so they can get on the first flight out but to let everyone else know I think we’re going to keep it hush hush for the reason of people showing up or continuously blowing up our phones with updates. I’m so sorry your MIL is like this, I’d definitely put your foot down now and wouldn’t call until after baby is here. You need to be calm and stress free, you don’t deserve her stressing you out anymore than you’ll already be.

Answer

We don’t allow any visitors until I’m ready after birth. For my son it was about 9 hours later (birth at 1am). We did let everyone know I was in labor, but we explicitly told everyone we didn’t want anyone at the hospital for it. We didn’t have any issues. But the hospital won’t let her in the L&D ward if you tell them you don’t want visitors. She can’t weasel her way in unless you specifically allow it.

Answer

You can do whatever makes you feel comfortable. If she is that crazy and over bearing and would show up like that against your wishes, then I wouldn’t blame you for waiting to tell her you gave birth until afterward. But just be prepared she may have her feelings very hurt by it. And she may hold it against you and make things worse, which seems like something she’d do. You could always tell her when you’re in labor and already at the hospital, and then advise her that you will let her know when you’re ready for visitors. And you can purposely let the nurses and staff know that no one else is welcome unless it’s your mom and sister. If your MIL shows up, she will be turned away and she won’t be allowed into the L&D area and she won’t be provided with your room number either unless you give them permission to give it out to visitors. If she throws a fit, the staff will escort her out with security. Just let the hospital staff know.

Answer

I may not tell either mom when in labor cause I don’t want them at the hospital hours or asking 5838583 questions....

Answer

Totally your call and if I were you I would only call when I was ready for her visit

Answer

My mother in law is over bearing as well, in a few different ways, but there is a problem with respecting parental wishes as well. We learned this from watching it happen with my husband's twin brother and their baby. We have agreed that she will not be notified until AFTER he is born and most likely after my mom has been there. Other wise she will be there waiting and insisting to come in the moment he's born, if not sooner. My husband will be the only person in the room with me and the first person allowed in would be my mom, no one else. I'm all for visitors but not until we are ready.

Am i wrong for feeling this way?

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