37th month UHHHG!
After 37 months it's hard to imagine that any month will be the month. I dig deep for hope every month but the well is running dry today (CD1).
After an HSG, laparoscopy, countless blood tests, countless fights with my husband, starting therapy, 5 rounds of clomid, 1 IUI, a ovarian hemmoragic cyst (that was no joke!), and a UTI I'm getting worn the f-out. My vagina is like a revolving door for speculums, doctors, catheters, a penis, and that damn ultrasound wand. I know many of you have been through so much more and my hat is off to you.
It's bizarre to be on an intense emotional roller coaster that endlessly repeats itself:
Cd1: cry, tell my husband, call the doctor, eat a burger and milk shake, look at Glow calendar to see what needs to be blocked out on my calendar
Cd2 - 3 go to Dr for ultrasound, start clomid, warn my husband I'm about to go a little nuts
Cd3-7 go a little nuts, hopes get up
Cd7-13: try to arrange work so I can leave and go to appointments, have scheduled sex - try to remember our previously awesome sex life
Cd13-16: ultrasound, hopes up, IUI, hopes up, more scheduled sex to "top me off"
Cd16-21 more sex, try to remember ever wanting to have sex because it's awesome and not just a functional exercise, try to put getting pregnant out of my mind, try to put it in my mind, focus on taking care of myself, visualize a little one being made
Cd21-25: wonder what the familiar "you're about to start your period" pangs mean and hope it's different this time around.
CD25-28: try not to take a pregnancy test, try to keep hopes up despite familiar PMS creeping in
CD28-3: pour a bourbon on the rocks as early in the day as allowed
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