*TRIGGER WARNING*

So I'm 18 and having a difficult time with my depressive state of mind. To give you some background on me, my entire family has been diagnosed with depression except for me. I went through a rough time in middle school and stopped expressing my feelings. It lead to me cutting and I'd dread it anyways because once I started I couldn't stop. Long story short, I'm 3-4 years clean and I'm having a difficult time expressing myself. I'm dreading the drowning feeling when I cry and I have to work all day so I have to fake it till I make it since I'm a server and I won't make good tips anyways due to the weather.