I have been a little nervous as this week I’ll be 38 weeks and I know our little princess could come any day and we only have the nursery now to organize and then disinfect our living room and bedroom again which has been a big relief off my shoulders. Before though I’d say I was nervous because I didn’t feel like I was going to have our house ready for our baby girl and already felt like a failure of a mother and that’s the number 1 thing that makes me nervous is not being a good enough mother to this precious princess. My dad was abusive beat the hell out of my mom, from the time I was old enough to remember blood splattered all over the walls and ceilings and floors face swollen so bad she was scary to us to even now still he emotionally abuses her. He did do drugs and was an alcoholic until he recently “found Jesus” (you’ll understand why that’s in “” after the reading is done because people don’t act like him still when they have “found Jesus”) They fuss and cuss all the time. My mom can’t even go outside or go to the store by herself the other kids that live at home have to miss school (has had truancy charges on them and my mom because of this) if she needs to go somewhere. She can’t even talk on the phone to her own mom or sister and she don’t have no friends can’t have no job. He would call all his daughters whores, sluts, bitches, bastards my step brother was slaved and cussed as well. When I was in 7th grade I didn’t understand yet that what he was doing was wrong and in English we had to write a personal narrative and I remember not having a clue what to write about and the teacher was giving ideas and mention “something that is close to heart like something that’s made you happy, sad, mad with significant memories to the situation” and him abusing my mom made me furious! So I wrote about it All the details and again I didn’t understand why after I turned it in there were cops and CPS and guidance counselors talking to me about it every day. Well I learned real fast because they told my parents about my paper 🤦🏻‍♀️ and my mom lied and said none of it was true and my dad lied and my mom got in trouble. All my dad had to do was anger management classes but my mom and us had to go to parenting classes, therapy at the brass house, CPS came out to the house along with someone else I don’t remember who they were now and she was threatened to be put in jail if another case was brought to CPS.

Well today I was talking to my mom and didn’t realize my dad was home because I had already cut ties with him earlier in my pregnancy for him being mentally abusive to me WHILE PREGNANT and I told her we got carpet and the nursery just needs to organized now and she asked how I was feeling and I said nervous just because I want me and my husband to be the best parents we can be this little girl didn’t ask to be born so I believe she deserves nothing but the world it scares me with my background and my husbands step dad was the SAME way as my dad that we might yell at her to much or shelter her to much not offer the emotional support she needs it makes me really nervous. My dad heard this and said “you don’t gotta really worry about them until their teenagers and I’m gonna have her call CPS on you and lie on you” and all kinds of crap and I feel like that’s bullshit of him to say BECAUSE HE DESERVED being “told on” and no I don’t plan to abuse my child obviously but it makes me not even want to be around my family at all because he obviously hudoed them somehow when he was suppose to be in trouble for my mom the one who was abused to get in trouble ain’t no telling what kind of story he’d come up with or if he’d hurt our daughter and blame it on me and my husband. I just can’t believe I have to even think about these things🥺😭

Anyways thanks for reading my rant if made it here any advice or positive vibes or funny stories would be appreciated ❤️

(and just a FYI I’m married and moved away now this was when I was younger and so idk why he don’t let it go when 1 he got out of trouble 2 it’s been so long ago and I didn’t lie it was 100% truth my mom has the scares to prove it it’s just ridiculous)