What do you do next...

So I’m 22, started dating the most amazing guy August 27th,2018. We have known each other for two years prior and honestly I knew he was supposed to be my soul mate. I have a daughter from a previous relationship. She was never exposed to men and this was the first guy I started to date ever.. I always just messed around and never caught feelings. It was a motto of mine because I have a bad history with men, so I couldn’t trust men. But anyways we started dating for pregnant that day we started dating, in September I found out we were expecting a baby in May 2019. He was a little jealous at first but we worked through it. He has had a hard time with his mom being deported in his teen years and didn’t have a relationship with his dad at the time. Things were good for 5 months... and then I started to have anger problems, hitting walls when I would get pissed, screaming and not talking, slamming doors if I was pissed(I was 6 months pregnant) no I wasn’t right. I stopped checking on him, I stopped being a good person I am. I’m usually a happy go lucky no bad energy, always smiling and never mad. But this pregnancy was hard. When I was 3 weeks postpartum I looked through his phone and saw he was messaging woman saying he wants to take them out on Facebook snap chat and Instagram. I started getting so upset and gained postpartum depression by 12 weeks postpartum... August 20, 2019 we split up and I felt so low I hurt myself cut my long beautiful hair off and called my mom to grab both my girls because I needed to be alone. On August 26th he came back home with promises to change between us both... I stopped hitting walls after the baby was born, when he came back home I stopped slamming doors, yelling and tried to let go. But I would cry a lot because he didn’t stop talking to girls and flirting. He never physically cheated but did a lot on social media. I would start pointless arguments and I wish I could take them back. November 24,2019 he decided we need to split up for a while because he got so depressed from my fights. I agreed so he went to his dads and til me he loves me and he’ll be back in a few weeks. November 25 he left to be with his dad... that Saturday after I walked into my parents house and saw my rapist there for the first time since the trial and I froze and cried. I needed my spouse and he wasn’t there. I tried to call and he wasn’t there so I texted him panicked and he didn’t respond for 2 hours because he took a nap after work(he works over nights) that night he tild me he doesn’t know if he’ll be back home he just needs to focus on him. That’s fine, we fucked up and needed to get right. He stopped telling me he loves me, he stopped calling me his wife. I lost my moms relationship and my whole family support so he’s my only thing I have left and the two girls. I told him New Year’s eve I needed to know if he wanted to work us out or be over because I needed closure. I’m not asking for him to come home and all and I know we’ll need to start over. He went off when I told him if we could talk, he tild me I am only negative, All I do is Ruin his days, he wishes I never met him, he said loves the person I am but he’s not in love with me anymore... that killed me. But then after I hung up with him he texted me and tild me sorry, he was uncalled for saying the stuff he said. And right now he needs to fix him and maybe in a month or two we can start fresh. Will it get easier to change his name in my phone? Will it get easier to delete all the good times? Will it get easier not talking to him everyday all day knowing he’s safe? Will I stop crying because he’s my everything and I fucked up really bad this time.. I just need someone there bevause i don’t have anyone anymore.. I’m s alone and don’t know where to start to heal