I’m so F**cking tired of this

Sorry I just need to rant about this, I’m so tired of having pregnancy scares with pcos. I’ve only ever had about 5 periods in my whole life ( I started at 12 and I’m almost 20 now) I know I can still get pregnant with pcos so I’m still using protection but it still frustrates me because I’m either constantly having late periods or being constantly reminded that I could be infertile. I have anxiety so of course I start freaking out and even though me and my bf are EXTREMELY careful I still end up taking like 20 million tests and they always come out negative. It’s just frustrating because I’m relieved but at the same time it kind of reminds me that there’s a possibility of not even having kids with how sever my pcos. I’ve always wanted kids and learning that it might not happen for me was really painful. My bf is always trying reassure me that it’ll happen when the time comes but my own gyno told me that she won’t even know what my chances are until i start trying but they’re not large with how my history is. I’m just tired, I just want to have a healthy body and I’m working really hard to get my periods naturally but I’ve done literally everything I can besides taking medication to make you ovulate. I’ve lost 50 pounds, I’ve takin pill after pill after pill, I’m tired I want to give up but I know that if I do that I’m just letting the pcos win. Please I’m so tired.