just letting shit out

Fuck anonymous.

Today was indescribable. I’ve been suicidal for three months. Theres a sky bridge connecting my school to a new building and this morning in all my classes I was thinking of jumping off it.

Third period I have social studies. Feeling depressed, acting depressed, probably looking like shit. Wanting to jump out the window. My book is on my desk. It’s a big book. Last week I was reading a book about politics. I don’t normally like my social studies teacher, but she likes my books. We talked about books before.

So anyway, she walks up and sees the new book, and I’m halfway through it. She picks it up and says, ‘I don’t even know what to say.’

‘You are brilliant. One day you’re going to be brilliant. After graduation, brilliant. Just-just brilliant.’

I sat there. No idea what to say. She walks away smiling. Now I’m crying.

I don’t know if I can be. But I want to be. If that means living through this a bit longer, I’m going to try. It’s the least I can do. To try to finally be brilliant.