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Confront him and ask!
Boyfriend is Selfish.
I am still hurt that my boyfriend of 4 years did not acknowledge my birthday. Actually, each year we have been together he didn’t really acknowledge it. He celebrates Christmas, but since my birthday is 4 days after Christmas it feels as though he only notices Christmas and just tends to overlook my birthday.
But when his coworkers have their birthdays, he gets them gifts and cards and balloons. How the hell did I deserve not even getting my birthday’s acknowledged? It’s not like I am a horrible girlfriend.
5 days later and I’m still upset over this. It caught me off guard. Things have been so wonderful between us and I’m super confused why his body language shows me he doesn’t care for my birthdays.
Also, we have spent my last 3 birthdays arguing because when I confront him about how much it hurts me that he has never done anything special for me on my birthday, he gets defensive, says he will make up for it, and he never does. :/
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That’s not right. You get 1 day out of the year that belongs to you. If your not ok with this, then it’s not ok. Be upfront and transparent with him.
Ti
How do I be more upfront with him if I have been upfront with him the past 3 or 4 birthdays? :/ I don’t know what else I have to do...I have been very articulate and clear with how much it upsets me now and how much I had upset me in the past...any ideas on how else I can be clear to him?
My ex of 4 years never once remembered my birthday or said happy birthday to me. I grew up in a family that loved celebrating birthdays and not celebrating was never an option. I kept telling myself it didn’t bug me but it did because he cared about his friends birthdays and I always made a huge deal of his. It’s perfectly fine to feel this way.
Ti
Thank you...I was beginning to feel ashamed with how long this made me upset
If you have some time, look up "The Crane Wife" an article in The Paris Review by CJ Hauser. This story is about a woman who calls off her engagement and goes on a citizen science trip. The way she talks about how women who ask for care and affection are called needy but men who do the same thing are strong and passionate...it's a real eye opener. And I think this is a signal that he's not going to put any effort into other things that matter to you as well.
Ti
Thank you, I will check this out!
Discuss it with him and tell him how it makes you feel. Honestly, in hindsight I look back at when my husband and I were first together and when we had disagreements. I never spoke up for myself and I wish I had. I learned to do this after a year or two and it’s so much easier and less stressful when you just communicate. I used to sit and stew over things for days and in reality, a simple conversation could have resolved it because often he just hadn’t considered another perspective. I understand missing a birthday (or several) is a big thing but if he’s worth staying with, he’ll understand where you’re coming from and change. If he does anything other than that, I think you should consider what you want for your future but please know that things will work out for you either way as long as you’re honest about how you feel :)
WR
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re having to go through this :( I just assumed you’d not confronted him so I’m also sorry for that assumption. I think only you know what you want the outcome to be but personally, I don’t think I would stay with him. I couldn’t stay with someone who isn’t able to listen and respond to multiple conversations about something that’s upset me. It sounds like he needs a bit of a wake up call tbh, and you don’t deserve to be taken for granted like this. It’s one day a year and even if it was something like struggling with money, he could at least buy a card/say happy birthday. I can’t think of any logical reason why he’s behaving like this and I really feel for you. I hope whatever you decide, things improve for you and if you have someone you can confide in, reach out to them to help you through this.
Ti
Sulk****
Ti
Thank you, I hope so too! Well yes, I have communicated and stressed how hurt I feel when he does not make me feel special on my birthdays. I can’t silk and stew over things, I’m not very good with holding things in...if I do, I’ll explode so I have to say what bothers me then and there. After the 4th year of seeing how he does not do anything for me on my birthday made me a little more than fed up. I mean, mentioning 3 years in a row how it hurts that he never even gives me a birthday card is beginning to make me feel like a broken record. How else could he change? Regardless of how much I wish he’d change, I’m now stuck on knowing that he will not change unless HE wants to
Talk to him! He deserves to know how you feel. Just sulking won’t help anything be solved. I’m three days before Christmas so I know the struggle. My partner and my parents always make sure I get my day. You deserve that too. Do you do things for his birthday?
Ti
Yes, I have always gone out of my way to make him feel special on his birthday. I buy him gifts, write cards, and take him to fine dining on his birthdays. He has never done any of that for me so in turn it does not feel equal. And yes, I have talked to him about this for 4 years...but he does not seem to grasp or realize that it hurts me. This is the third year we fought during my birthday because he didn’t even give me a card....
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