When I took my pregnancy test 3 weeks ago, and found out I was due to give my son a younger sibling a couple weeks before his 3rd birthday, I was conflicted.

1. I was worried. About PPD, finances, ability to give both kids their deserved love and attention, etc. all of it. I have anxiety, but I’m pretty sure most people have SOME nervousness to a positive test 🤷🏼‍♀️

2. So excited. To tell my partner, who wants ALL the kids. To give my son a friend for life. To have a chance at a VBAC. To expand my family.

3. Absolute dread, anxiety, and guilt. Because my SIL who’s been trying for years to get pregnant unsuccessfully will be devastated. Hell, she might go back to hating me like she did until only recently. She JUST found out about our other SIL expecting a second child. She’s only barely begun to text me letting me know how she’s feeling (which often is hopeless, angry, or depressed). And it BREAKS my fucking heart for her. I want her to become a mother so deeply, I pray over her all the time. When she’s open to advice, I offer articles and options I’ve researched for her. I try to offer my shoulder, even though she often doesn’t want it.

She’s going to be so hurt. And I feel so guilty that it’s me, and not her 😭 I know I should be happy, and I am for the most part. But this will very likely set our relationship back because she can’t help but feel jealous or treated unfairly by God. (I know how she feels because of her telling me about other announcements). I don’t know what I can do to make this better. I don’t think I’ll tell her face to face, because I don’t want her to feel pressured not to cry or to pretend to be happy. I know I need to come up with a well thought out and gentle news breaker. I’ve thought about it since I found out, 3 weeks ago. It keeps me up at night. I get physically sick to my stomach thinking about telling her.

Idk if I’m seeking advice or just support, but if you could send prayers and thoughts for clarity in how to do this, and for her all the fertility dust and comfort she can get.