So basically, i have a-lot of mental illnesses (psychosis, bipolar-depression, anxiety and half diagnosed ptsd(was diagnosed by one but not fully talked about like the other illnesses) ) and a-lot of past trauma (abuse from father, abuse from ex boyfriends, I’ve been raped)

The only reason I’m stating this, is because my past has been rooting up lately. Ive been noticing behaviour due to the trauma.

Im not sure if it keys into this problem.

So ill give you some details into this,

My and my partner are living together and we are both at a mature age. (In our 20’s)

Its our 2nd year together. We’ve been living together for half a year.

Im disabled through my physical and mental health.

So i don’t work..but i do, do most of the work in the house. I also pay rent still

He works, but he’s a workaholic almost.

Anyways.

I have bad temper. (Due to bipolar)

Its usually not a thing around my family, or friends. But its normal with him. Maybe because some people are so comfortable, they think its ok to let out their anger on the ones they are most comfortable with.

And i know its not okay and ive been trying really hard to battle my bipolar ticks.

We’ve had fights about money, sex, dates, past situations. Etc.

We used to be very very calm, we never yelled.

Now since moving in, we raise our voices and get more angry.

The fights would be often, he would say something inconsiderate or mean, and id blow up as he escalated the fight. Or sometimes id just be plain grumpy.

These are the types of fights we get into:

Example: we got a king bed, and its been about 4 months and no mattress. and a couple days i was just looking at some prices, trying to find a good price. And i said to him “hey why don’t we do a time payment instead”

And he says “i told you i don’t care when we get the mattress, stop telling me how to spend my money”

Im my mind, i thought i was helping on finding ways to make it cheaper.

So i blew up.

Nothing too huge, usually more than that gets me going.

We usually make up, the same day.

Its only a few times where the fight lasted more than 30 mins.

Anyways.

We’ve been doing so much better now. Not too many fights, only small scrabbles and head butts.

But I’m going to be honest. Im so worn out.

So tired, i want to just go on vacation...ALONE.

I know i love this guy, i cry sometimes because of it.

And i know he loves me.

But sometimes i feel so so, down.

I don’t feel connected, and i don’t even want sex that much. Which is rare

I like spending time with him, but being alone i feel so much peace and i don’t feel stressed or angry as much. (could be my meds- but doesn’t seem normal)

He doesn’t bring me on dates often and all i want is to be surprised with flowers or a romantic date, it hasn’t happened since

1 3/4 years ago. I have told him, mentioned to him. But i feel like its pointless if i have to tell him more than once to take me on a romantic date.

I need to fix this relationship. I know deep down, theres something not working in it.

So the question is:

How do i save this, what worked for you to connect with your partner, feel relaxed when you are with your partner. Not feel stressed or easily triggered by them?

Also: is it normal to butt heads when living with them?