I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant with my second child & need to vent/let out my feelings.

My son was born in April 2017. It was a c section at 4:04 am. My mom had been there with me since 11 am the previous day and didn’t feel well.

At 11 am (the day he was born) she called me and said she was coming to the hospital but she was going to the ER because she didn’t feel right.

Long story short, my mom was admitted to the same hospital I was saying in and couldn’t meet my son for 3 days. She didn’t tell me at the time but she thought she was dying. Shortly after we find out she has small cell lung cancer, very aggressive form.

She did chemo and I took care of her and my newborn, it was a very difficult time but I’d do anything for her. She was having cancer free scans for a year and it spread to her brain In October 2018. She had chemo again and the tumor removed in April 2019...she missed my sons 2nd birthday and it crushed her.

She was having clear scans, then in Oct 2019 they found cancer in the other side of her lung that spread.

She finished her last session of chemo yesterday and my daughter could come any day now. She can’t drive to visit us, she is an hour and a half away, and I’m so uncomfortable and afraid of going into labor that I don’t want to drive there. Especially since she is not feeling great.

But along with this comes so much guilt..I wish I was there more for my mom. I almost feel selfish because I’m so much more comfortable at home and I know she is lonely and in pain. My son is 2 1/2 and it’s hard taking him there and changing his routine as well, it makes it so much harder on me. But then I feel guilty because my “hard times” are nothing compared to hers.

She’s been through so much and so badly I wish I could just have her here when I need her or vice versa. It’s so hard trying to help someone and also take care of your own family and self without feeling guilty or like you’re not doing enough.

I never talk about this stuff with anyone because I feel like they don’t understand or don’t care. I’ve kept it bottled for so long.

If you read through this, thanks for listening ❤️