Ok so my boyfriend and I have a one year old and are planning to have another one soon. We are in the middle of saving for a house and for a second car. So a wedding right now just isn’t feasible. I want a nice wedding. I’m still unsure if I want it to be big or not. But basically we just don’t have the funds for one. He hasn’t even bought me an engagement ring yet because of it. But honestly it’s starting to bother me that we’re not married and have a child and possibly a second soon. I’m also a stay at home mom, which I know he would never, but if he left me I would be left with nothing because we’re not married.

I was thinking of just getting married him and I thats it. Then eventually when we can afford it we will have a nice wedding with all our friends and family. I was even thinking of not telling anyone until after. But idk?

I told him I just want it to be him and I but he says we would need a witness, is this true? If so, I don’t know who to choose. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel left out. Also, would we be able to just do a church wedding him and I? Or would it need to be a big group? Or in front of people? Another issue is I suffer from MAJOR anxiety that completely controls my life, so I would need to get that under control as well before I have a big wedding. My boyfriend said “let’s just have something small with our family and that’s it” or “let’s have a destination wedding” but honestly it will cost us money because like I mentioned I want a nice wedding. I want a photographer. I want memories. my whole point is I want to be married. I want the same last name. But I don’t want to settle on a wedding that I don’t love, if that makes sense? Which is why I’m thinking just him and I do it together (it’ll be special that way too) then once we can afford it we renew our vows and have a ceremony with all our friends, family, and children!

I also want him to propose to me before we do any of this. I don’t want that to be taken away from me. I’m doing this for my family. Because I know a house is more important for my kids. But I still want the “fairy tale wedding” I want to be surprised with a ring, I want to wear a beautiful dress, I want to walk down an isle, I want my family and friends to be there, I want beautiful photographs to hang in my house. But I want to get married now. So this is why i was thinking just something with him and I for now until we can afford it. Because honestly it’ll probably be a few years. I’m thinking around 5 or more depending on how money is. It just bothers me that we’re not married and we’re having kids and will buy a home together and everything. It bothers me I won’t have the same last name as my family.

What are your thoughts on this? Can anyone answer any of my questions?