I’m going crazy help

So I have really bad anxiety (diagnosed by a doctor) and I stopped going to public school and switched to online when I started high school because of it. But I’m super lonely and I have 0 friends, and I’m not lying. Everyone always says “I have no friends” but I literally haven’t had a friendship with someone my age for over a year. I really want to go back to public school but just the thought of it makes me want to puke, and I hate feeling so nervous about it because I know it’s stupid but I cant help it. And I don’t like to admit this but I really want a boyfriend, I’ve always wanted the high school experience and to have my first love ya know (I read a lot of romance novels lol). I don’t just want a relationship for just sexual stuff...well maybe a little lol...anyways, I want to cuddle and I want to hang out with them and just fall in love with someone. Idk I just feel like my anxiety is holding me back from so many amazing things and experiences and I’m getting sick of it but nothing seems to be helping. The only thing that has ever made a difference is the devils lettuce (I know it’s bad you don’t have to tell me). My old step sister (her dad n my mom were married) was over and she’s really disrespectful and I always think in my head to call her out when she says stuff but the only time I actually have the balls to do it is when I’m on the devils lettuce. I’m actually able to say the things I want to say. Obviously I can’t be on the devils lettuce all the time because devils lettuce is 21+ and I wouldn’t want to even if I could because I don’t want to have to depend on devils lettuce to make me feel better. Ok ANYWAYS if you guys can think of any other herbs that I’m allowed to have that would make me feel calm, or prescription medications that worked for you that might work for me, or anything you do to lower your anxiety or stop panic attacks, honestly anything that could help me with my anxiety or how to meet new people would be awesome. Thanks don’t judge me.