We have recently came home after years away! He was violent before but we kinda got through it. The shouting and insults where still there but he was generally better.

Fast forward we came home and he has been very rude to me. Abusive calling me stupid, whore, jealous bitch. I am very insecure so we met an ex and I felt very low. He actually made me like this comparing me to others and talking highly about the conquests. Anyway I know this is my downfall so I stopped drinking because it obviously makes me feel worse. So I have doing better and when we met them again I was able to control my feelings! So happy I have achieved that! But he keeps mentioning it that I’m “jealous bitch”

Even though that issue was ages ago!

Fast forwarding met up with my family on Friday it was so happy sitting with the girls having a few drinks and just being happy! He was at the pub and was kinda asking when I’d be back so eventually I came down! Went on there was 3 there then my friends came from a darts game! The place was full everyone having fun! I was delighted dancing with everyone! But he starts the whisper insults. Tell me I’m looking at people flirting, interested in everyone! Loads of shite so I went to the toilet got a stuff on and walk out to the bar I couldn’t see him and being so drunk I walked out and sat at the table outside! I was locked out there as the pub was closed he came out shouted at me and we walked towards my house! I don’t know what happened but I felt I punch or something to my head and I fell over! I can’t remember how it happened or why but I walked home at my door he was behind me and without talking went to bed!

Next day I got abuse tramp this and that! He left cane back then went the pub with his brother all day while I was vomiting and running a fever all day! He reached home and again starts abusing me saying he hates me not attracted to me Look at the state me while walking towards me scaring me! Then after a while he said he’s angry because he knows what he did was wrong! So the reason he pissed off all day, the reason he wanted to scream in my face and scare me is because he feels bad... I prayed he would fall asleep and he did! I see all these men that will grovel to say sorry when something happens but this man thinks that because he feels bad in himself that he has the right to be disgusting to me! I know this isn’t normal I know I have to get the strength to leave or on this case he leaves but I’m in a state of shock I don’t want to rock the boat right now.. I want to get myself strong and stop hurting!

I am someone, I am loved by people, I don’t deserve this.

I really wanted to get this out of my head!!