I need some support or something

Okay so some background before I explain the situation, I grew up in an extremely bad environment after being taken from my parents I was placed with an abusive grandmother. Being taken from my parents at 3 gave me terrible abandonment issues. From 13-17 I was in several terrible relationships, from guys who hit me, to ones that cheated, to ones that just up and left me out of nowhere. It all gave me trust issues and abandonment issues. Now that I'm finally in a good relationship with a man that loves me and supports me in every way those issues are damaging the relationship. The other day he was mad about something small and he was staying in the kitchen not talking to me cause he wanted to cool off, I was in the bedroom freaking out internally. I was just sitting there thinking about how I don't deserve him at all and that he's going to leave me or hurt me so I should just leave first. So out of nowhere I just came out of the bedroom and left saying I was going for a walk, and while on my walk I worked myself up into almost a trance and just convinced myself I needed to leave because I didn't deserve someone so good. I came back and I just started packing my stuff and obviously he was like 'what the fuck? This is out of nowhere why are you leaving?' And I wouldn't talk to him I don't know what the hell was wrong with me in that moment, I couldn't even look at him. Eventually I had all my stuff packed and was sitting on the couch waiting for a ride and after keeping trying to talk to me for about an hour I finally broke down and cried to him that I didn't deserve him and he was better than I'll ever be. He listened to me and sat beside me and just hugged me. He said if anyone doesn't deserve someone it's him and he forgave me for trying to just leave out of nowhere. The fact that he forgave me made me feel even more undeserving of him. Now it's been a couple days and things are okay but he was really hurt and he's still healing, he has abandonment issues too so me just deciding to leave really hurt him. This morning he woke up angry and said he had a dream I tried to leave again and he said I broke his trust when I did that . I know it's gonna take some time and I really have no right to be upset but I just feel so shitty for what I did, I'm so depressed and him letting me stay is just making me think about how I really don't deserve him. I don't know what I'm expecting out of posting this, maybe some advice or support, or something. I just need to vent, I don't really have any close friends.