A new chapter

September 28, 2018: I found out I was pregnant for the first time.

November 5, 2018: I found out there was no heartbeat.

November 7th I took Misoprostol. That night was horrible.

November 28 I found out there were still retained products, so I took Misoprostol again. This time I thought for sure it had to have worked.

On December 10th I found out it hadn’t...so on December 12th I went to hospital, went to sleep and had a d&c to end this nightmare. So I thought.

What followed was months of tears, anxiety, telling people “I’m fine” and knowing deep down it was a huge lie...the PTSD from going to the doctor every few weeks and getting one piece of bad news after another. Living in a dark place. Being consumed by unwanted feelings of jealousy. Shutting down social media to protect myself from “triggers” only to be face to face with my feelings anyways.

Each negative test has been another flurry of despair and depression.

My sweet husband has cried with me, comforted me, and been real with me at the exact times I have needed it. We have been brought so close by this experience.

I know my story is not unique. I know my story is her story, and their story, and your story.

But I wanted to share my story today in case anyone out there is losing hope...

Because today, January 17, 2020, my story gained a new chapter:

I don’t know how this chapter will go but I am going to hope and pray for a happy ending.