Kind of long

Even though I was only five weeks pregnant when I found out and almost 6 when I lost my baby I still feel as if I’m a mother and I often sit and wonder what gender would my baby have been would my baby take my skin complex or my honeys I got pregnant September 21 and on January 21 was my birthday You can do the math I didn’t celebrate my birthday because I knew that the 21 and the 26 (the day I miscarried) of every month since losing my baby means to 😔 I did take a picture and I wanna say to every other female who has miscarried had a still born baby has passed after birth or anything of the sort . It does not by any means get easier but I’ve told myself my baby wasn’t ready . And that’s okay it’s okay that you haven’t had your baby yet it’s okay that you are still trying. God gives his hardest fights to his strongest soldiers . I got pregnant 4 months after my dad passed away and it was and has been the hardest time of my life but god needed him in heaven more than he did on earth and my father needed he’s grandbaby in heaven with him just a bit more than mommy needed you here on earth with me . I love you both so much and you too are my motivators you too are the reason I still smile because I do it all for you ❤️ to my father I love you you are still my favorite man in my whole world until we meet again my sweet angel to my baby mommy loves you dearly I wish I could have gotten the chance to hold you and let you know all you needed to know. This is a sad way to say happy birthday to myself yes I know and it’s a sad way to post a picture of myself but I’m saying it and posting it this way because after losing them I lost my self I lost my reason to live I wanted to die I really did but I use it to motivate me and to make it unto another year another birthday more blessings and life to come so here’s to 22 happy birthday to me