I wanted to be a stay at home mom. At first I did, anyway. I figured with my husbands income alone we would be okay.

But our son was born and soon after my husband lost his job. So months had passed, and as our bank account and savings slowly dissolved, we were in a tight bind and panic to find employment. Thanks to unemployment, we were staying afloat month to month. I recently started working a part time job. And now this month my husband started a job too, but it’s Graveyard shift.

Since he got his job his mom has been advising me and hearing how this new situation has proven difficult as far as finding daycare for our son.

She told me it would be best if I stopped working and trying to find other outside things and just stay home with baby.

Monday I will be putting in my two weeks notice. I’m worried about making it each month with bills, gas, food and of course baby’s needs. If I budget just right, we just might be able to barely make it with his new income.

We need to set money aside for a home too.

Well here I am, making the decision to leave everything and return home to be with baby. That was what I wanted originally, yes. But now that I’ll be home with just baby, my husband has the freedom to go hang with the guys and do whatever he wants. But I feel like I can’t go anywhere and I’m not allowed to do anything.

Woke up this morning feeling sad. Not sure if it’s just sad and down, or if it’s depression. My mil called to check in on me. She heard my voice and asked if I felt down or if I felt depressed. I’ve never felt depression and I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like. All I know is that I’ve had 3 hours of sleep in the last 30 hours, I haven’t felt hungry and I don’t want to get out of bed. I’ve been crying since I woke up. But that could just be exhaustion.