At first after my loss, I had a hard time getting out of bed, showering, brushing my teeth. I didn’t know how hard these things were when the depression is so bad. My husband mentioned I think you should take a shower, and I asked him, do I smell?! I’m so sorry honey! And he said no, I don’t smell you but it’s going on day 3 and I think you might be depressed. I hadn’t left from the couch and when he wasn’t around I would just cry. I am doing a bit better now I’m clean, my hair is washed. But one last thing I’m having a hard time with. I can’t drink water. I take sips but before everything happened I was trying to drink a gallon a day, I was very hydrated. Now, I can’t get it down, it’s so hard to swallow this main life source. It’s not like I don’t like water, I love water.........but I didn’t know it was a self care act. And I’m having a hard time with self care. I feel bad for my husband, I apologize to him everyday sometimes twice a day, even though I know this wasn’t my fault. I did everything right. I walked, I took my vitamins, I drank my water, I ate healthy for the most part, I took my meds, I went to every appt. I even demanded more appts. There was nothing more I could do. I maybe could have been thinner when we started, I was trying, but I am in no way obese. I exercised before hand a lot. When the doctor asked me I had all the right answers. She even said your doing everything right. I don’t understand this and I may never. I trust God. I know he has a plan for me. I hate that my story leaves me with 2 children in heaven, but I am grateful that God has never left me nor forsaken me.