This is hard. The thought of raising a child alone terrifies me. Going into labor without a partner breaks my heart. I thought he would always be by my side. That having this kid would change us. It didn't. Let me clarify that we did not have a baby to fix things. Baby was an unplanned blessing. Before we found out I was pregnant our relationship was on the brink of destruction. We were always fighting. I think the baby was the only thing keeping us together until I finally decided enough was enough. Today was his cousins wedding but he couldn't go because it's in another state and we are tight on funds, plus my due date is fast approaching. I knew it bothered him but he took it too far. He blamed me for not being able to go. He said I ruined his life and had I helped him pay off his debt (I'm currently unemployed) he could have gone to his cousins wedding. He said a lot of hurtful things to me that I have no control over and he said he hates his life and wishes he could change things. Then he took the car and disappeared. Usually I would call or text him, ask where he went but now I really just don't care. If he never came back, just left without a word, I'd expect nothing less. I'm hurt and depressed. My life feels like a circus. I wasted so many years loving and giving time to someone who saw me as nothing more than a burden. All he wants to do is party and hang out with friends and play video games until he dies. I stuck by his side through so much bullshit. I let him tear me down to make himself feel better and he convinced me that I was the crazy one. I let him manipulate me into thinking that everything I did was wrong and everything he did was right. I already know he's driving to our old hometown that's 2 hours away to meet up with his friends and get drunk. He'll message me in the morning, say he's sorry and that he needed space but I won't forgive him like I always do. Not this time. I have no idea what I'm going to do, all I know is that as long as we are together we're both going to be miserable.