Just sad.

vanity

We both got our hopes so high this month. 3 faint positives but way way more negatives 😔 it just hurts. Been trying for years, the past 1.5 years actually tracking everything, changing to healthy lifestyles, i even quit smoking (after 9 years) completely, dont drink, take my vitamins, eat all the "good" stuff.

Ive been having so many symotom and i just have this feeling i cant explain, like i really fully 100% thought this could be it. But i feel so broken, let down, hopeless, crazy, and so deeply depressed.

Every time I take a test i sit there and just "please god, please god please god.." for the full 10 minutes, every time. Then looking for the faintest line and seeing nothing at all then feeling my stomach turn, body get hot, start sweating, and just break down in tears and cry all day. Ugh, you just dont know pain until you want a baby with the 1 person you love more than anything in the world and no matter what you do you just cant have it. 😞😥 done being positive for nothing.