As a foster kid newly in the system, I stayed at a mans house for about three months. He had a son who was fourteen. I was eleven. The man would take me out of my room at nights and do some terrible things. I learned not to resist and not to cry. I learned to be numb. I never told anyone, I never said anything after I left that house. It took me years to be able to even sit next to a man on the bus.

A boy befriended me a few years ago, and after some serious effort I had learned to trust him. We are dating now. I never told him.

But a few months ago, I relapsed. I had a panic attack and told him everything. He made me go into the police station. He made me go through with all the legal issues. He made me get therapy. But nothing is working.

I’m still so scared when I am around a man. Any man. In pubic or anywhere. I flinch when I get hugged. And I’m so scared. I don’t know how to get it fixed. I know y’all aren’t therapists or people who I should be reaching out to, but you are women and I know you understand, at least some of you. How did you learn to cope?