33 weeks with my second little girl. Feeling all the feelings as the time gets closer to meeting her, while navigating the very unexpected, traumatic loss of my mom (43). Feeling really nervous for birth + labor without her there by my side, + constantly heartbroken thinking about her never getting the chance to hold her + make memories with her. Hoping I’m strong enough for it all, but feeling so nervous about how I will feel the day my daughter is born. I want to feel nothing but joy when I finally hold her in my arms, but I know there’s going to be so much sadness and pain there too—and I just don’t know how I will handle it. Every week that it gets closer to my due date feels like all the emotions grow greater—happiness, excitement, nervousness, sadness, fear. Having such big contrasting emotions live simultaneously is hard. Grief is hard. Pregnancy is hard. All of this has been so much harder than I expected.

I know there’s not much to say, if anything, when it comes to someone and their experience with grief that feels “right”—and that’s okay. Just appreciative of a space I can write it all out + be heard