So last night I had a full blown melt down. Violently crying, calling my mother begging for help, husband holding me in bed while snot ran down my face kind of melt down.

What happened was, I had cooked fried chicken last night. I’m a great cook but when it comes to fried chicken it’s harder for me. Paranoid of the chicken being under done, I cooked the chicken in oil for about 20 minutes then baked it for 5 minutes. I mean how could it not be done at this point. And for dinner, we like to sit in the living room and watch a movie. I made my husband take the first bite, sacrificing him in case it was raw. When he fully inspected the chicken and so did I, I went to town. It was delicious. After I was done he then asked if there was supposed to be blood. I looked and realized there was a ton of blood on the very inside close to the bone. I freaked out and took my chicken into the kitchen and noticed it was slightly pink.

I then did what no one needs to do when scared about a health problem, I googled. After working myself into a tizzy about food poisoning and miscarriages and still births, I called my mom. She’s a medical guru, she’ll know what to say to calm me down. She said, well sounds like your about to get sick. I lost it. I started to cry. Mind you I didn’t tell her my google results, just said that I think I ate a little bit under done chicken and didn’t notice till it was way too late. So I’m crying, sobbing out “I don’t want to hurt my baby”. My moms insisting it won’t hurt the baby, I’ll just be sick for a minute. I’m not listening, I’m too busy crying over the fact that my fat ass just ate three pieces of undercooked chicken. I’m crying because I’m almost 27 weeks, almost done with the pregnancy and I’ve jeopardized it by trying to make my husband a traditional southern meal. My husband comes into the bedroom at this time and holds me, telling me I’ll just probably throw up and it’ll be fine. I tell him my google results. I start crying even more violently. I’m crying to him, telling him I want her out! I want her out of me because I can’t protect her. I’m not a good vessel for her, that she needs to get out before I hurt her by my idiotic choices. He’s insisting that she’s safe and my body will be strong enough to protect her from whatever happens. Again I’m not listening to anyone, I’m sobbing violently crying out I don’t want to hurt my baby! My baby!

My husband has me wrapped up as he’s telling me it’ll be okay.

This has been a big fear of mine the whole pregnancy. I’ve remained as healthy as I can.

I follow all the rules, maybe drink a little too much caffeine once in a while, but I follow all the rules no matter what. And now I’m so close to being done, I’m terrified that I’ll lose her over a dumb decision I’ve made, or a rule that I broke.

And here I am, 27 weeks and terrified that I’ll get food poisoning and lose her. I know it sounds dumb, and if you’ve fully read this through are probably judging me mad hard and saying how crazy I am, but I needed to rant. I needed to share this so maybe someone will have a similar story and say it’ll be okay.