The last couple of months I’ve been seeing a woman and things overall have been great. I really enjoy her company and would like to see this go far.

However.. how far is in question.

Since I was little I’ve always wanted a marriage. Not just a dress and a cake and a big party, but everything after. The lifetime of commitment, building a home on kindness and trust and a declaration to the world that I have committed my heart, soul and body to one woman for the rest of my life. Surely, if commitment were a cloth, I was cut from it.

She doesn’t feel the same way. It isn’t that she is adamantly against the institution of marriage and it’s a never-ever-ever for her.. but she’s described marriage as “eating a really good burger, and halfway through the burger someone smacks it out of your hand.” And it’s “35 is kind of young to get married,” (Mind you, shes 27 and I’m 20.) and it’s “I want to have a solid back up plan and a stable career and be financially independent before I get married.. just in case.”

I can appreciate the sentiment that love isn’t enough to make a marriage last, because I know that myself, however I don’t know if I’m just signing myself up for heartbreak if I keep moving forward. On one hand, not all of my relationships will result in marriage and they can be important as well, but on the other, do I already know how this ends? With me getting to a point where I want to marry her and ending it because that’s just not in her deck of cards. Is it unfair to move forward with some small hope she’ll change her mind? If she is as adamantly against this as I am for it, is it fair for either of to compromise either which way?

I’ve never dated someone who didn’t also see marriage in their future so this is quite new to me. What would you do?