I thought for sure this was our cycle. It was our first round of letrozole. The dates worked out perfectly to where 14dpo would be exactly on Valentine’s Day (how romantic, I thought). I already have a doctors appointment scheduled for March 13, so I thought I could just call and tell them I was pregnant and to make it my first doctors appointment. All of my siblings are also going to be in town on March 13 for the first time in about a year so I thought it would be the perfect time to announce to them. I thought for sure this was it. I thought God had allowed us to go through all those 11 past cycles of bfns so that we could have all these wonderful things line up so perfectly. It all seemed like Gods hand was at work!

But I took a test this morning and it was the biggest bfn I’ve ever seen (I know that’s not possible, but it hurts the worst I think).

I feel like the enemy is attacking me right now. I feel like I can’t trust God. I know I can. I know feelings are deceptive, but I’m struggling right now. My heart is so heavy. I know He has a plan and a purpose for all of this suffering and waiting, but it’s so hard to see it while you’re going through it. I don’t know what to do. Do I keep trying? Do I give up? It just feels hopeless.

Please pray for me. Pray that I would first and foremost surrender my will to the Lords will. Pray that I would place my faith, trust, and hope in Him alone (not meds, not my own efforts at ttc). Pray that He would comfort me. Pray that satan would flee in the name of Jesus and stop attacking me!