I will be finding out the gender of our second baby in the next few weeks. I am having the most difficult time dealing with what the gender might be. Before any bashes me with “how ungrateful I am” “how lucky I am that I can’t even get pregnant “ “just be happy” . I am not being insensitive to anyone and shouldn’t be offending anyone because honestly this isn’t anyone else’s journey but my own . I do not want to feel how I feel and trying to look for all the positives that I can’t to help cope.

I have a boy and if I had the choice I would Choose another boy.

I have never wanted girls. I’ve never been drawn to them . I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that it will more than likely be a girl . And having family especially my MIL shove it my face that we are having a girl because that’s how past generations have been and all that multiple times over and over doesn’t help (and I feel like she knows it bothers me so she does it on purpose). I have nightmares of having a girl and not connecting at all . I’m not even connected to this pregnancy. I just feel like a prisoner to something I have no control over . I don’t have a reason as to why I don’t want a girl and I wish I did so I can figure out how to get over it and stop having panic attacks and stop crying and actually be excited.

I’m trying to find my “why” on why it’s affecting me so much . Has anyone else felt with gender disappointment ? How have you felt with it ? I’m looking to get out of this rut I’m in and just be happy about it