So to start the year off my husband left my son and me. We had been together 3 years (mostly, he actually left once before) and we had just had our baby boy. I’m heartbroken and keep having anxiety attacks. My focus is on my son wholly, it’s just when he goes to sleep. When he’s asleep is when I struggle. The night before we had talked about counseling and planned on my niece watching my son once a month so we could have a date night. The next day he showed up with his family, packed his stuff, and wouldn’t say a thing to me. I was half dressed holding our son and bawling in tears. Now I’m stuck wondering why we weren’t worth it. He said I was controlling. My control was having access to his Facebook account (he had cheated on me and the relationship started on Facebook), having one weekend day off to spend time with his three other kids from another marriage and also to help me, oh and I wanted to know when he got social media. I didn’t need access to the other ones I just wanted to know about them, that was it. I didn’t think anything was out of line but it was I guess and he left. He has asked once about his son, given I am sending pictures all the time cause I feel like I should. He hasn’t paid for him and said he is refusing to go through ORS. I’m mad at him, I miss him, I’m trying to figure out if I was in the wrong with things and then other times I’m glad he’s gone. I mean I had way stronger boundaries and he first came that I had gotten rid of but trust doesn’t build back overnight. He also said if I didn’t get over things he would leave. Our big fights were about him and the other girl (he still worked with her by the way and I was always finding things out different from what he told me but he said everyone was lying), his job (again I wanted him to have a schedule that worked with his family and he kept trying to take positions that weren’t better pay and we’re way worse hours), and the job he eventually took (which didn’t offer insurance and was a dollar pay cut with way worse hours). I just don’t know if I was being unfair. Like I didn’t think I was but it pushed him away and I cost my son his dad. I feel like I failed him as a mom and that I failed as a wife.

But look at how amazing this little boy is. To go a month and a half asking how he is once, I just can’t understand it.

I feel like I should also mention, he had me quit my job before he left. So he left me jobless and with a lease that was ending. If it hadn’t of been for my family, my son and I would have been homeless and he didn’t care. He went out and got a new car, video games, and fast food. He has spent a total of $50 on him which doesn’t do a whole lot for a baby especially since it’s been a month and a half.