Possible TW? I have dealt with my issues for AWHILE now and I usually try my best to hide and keep myself together.

Idk tonight / this morning is rough. I’ve just been up and down haven’t been able to sleep. I tried to wake my fiancé to come cuddle me but he was to sleepy to even try to wake up annoyingly and due to my last relationship I hate feeling like i need someone honestly he hates that I’m so distant and I try not to need him ever for anything but tonight for once I did and I couldn’t have him for comfort and this feeling is something I never EVER wanted to feel again it makes me want to leave and not be in a relationship. My last relationship was abusive mentally and physically I use to beg on knees for ex to just fucking acknowledge my words. I seem to always get worse I get bad thoughts of harming myself ( but I won’t) and I just am at a lost I don’t have insurance so I can’t do anything right now, but I’m just tired I haft to leave for work in a hour or so and I don’t want to but I don’t wanna be lame and call off so I’m sucking it up. I just felt so lonely today. I feel so worthless I feel like a bad mom when I don’t spend what I feel is enough time with my daughter. Nothing is okay right now I’m gonna sweep it under the rug but tbh I’m over life atm. I don’t wanna be here, but I will be I don’t have a choice.