Here is some background. I had to take a test last night which she needed to proctor. So I came home from work around 3 and when I walked inside she asked when I wanted to take my test. I said give me 2 hours. Well I was exhausted so I accidentally passed out on my computer. Next thing I know it’s 8 and I’ve barley studied. So I go downstairs and take my test but I’m not feeling good. Like the beginning stages of being sick.

So I forced myself to stay up to try to get some schoolwork done before I pass out again. I took some NyQuil before I went to bed so I could hopefully start feeling better before I got worse.

I slept in just a bit this morning, I really didn’t mean to.

As I was leaving my stepmother was sitting at the table and she says:

“Thank you for being a wonderful role model for my kids”

I said: “I’m sorry for last night and this morning, I didn’t mean to pass out or sleep in. There is no excuse for what I did and I’m sorry”

She says: “you’re right, your failing”

I say: “I know, I’m sorry”

Then I left to go to work. She would be happy if I didn’t talk about anything personal with her. She would be happy if all I did was clean,did dishes and talk to her about my school. Every time we have a conversation like this I lose my appetite and I’m not hungry for the rest of the day. I’m trying but I’m failing. I know if I give up and do what she wants me to do, I’m gonna lose who I am. And maybe that’s what needs to happen because I’m almost in adult.

We have conversations where she’ll ask me if I’m stupid, or she’ll tell me that I’m a failure. And then either later that day or days or weeks later she’ll be talking to me and she’ll be like “you know I don’t think you’re stupid and I don’t think you’re a failure, right?” And in my head I don’t believe her.

The only thing keeping me here is my little brothers, my dog, my friends and my job. I would rather be at work all the time than be with my family.

I’m sorry for this being so long.