Do they really ever change????

Question

Share plz!

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I've seen an alcoholic get help and change. I've seen a heroin addict get help and change. I've never seen an abuser get help and change. 😞

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I wish there was a straight answer for this. I was in a abusive relationship for almost 3 years. Physically, emotionally, sexually and mentally. Broken ribs, to a collapsed lung, blackened eyes to me mentally broken to where I was hospitalized. He said he would get help, said he would change. Almost seemed like it. But one thing that didn't was my fears, my emotional scars. Was I going to be punched or spit on because he thought I looked at another man in public? The racing thoughts never ended. Yet this views never changed, he only talked about getting help never pursued it on his own. They have to want to change for themselves or they won't. And it will be an act to lure you back into the hunny moon phase until the next anger arises in them. Focus on yourself and not him. Heal yourself, know you'll be just fine standing on your own two feet.

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No. They will try to control you forever. Leave and never look back.

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In my experience, ponder over these to answer your question...
1. Is he accepting his fault? Entirely? Is he willing to make amends? On his own?
2. Abuse is a choice. Neither circumstances, nor events, not even addiction makes one person treat another as a lesser being. Does he agree?

Normally abusers don't change, they only master the art of getting away with it. They become more manipulative, they cover their tracks better. They tighten their hold over you. They will try to convince the world that you are the bad one, the mad one. Do you really want risk your sanity and life to give that one person, who clearly has done nothing to deserve it, a second chance when there are so many others in this world who deserve your company and compassion more?

Forgive me if I'm too cynical for your taste. But "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

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Not all change but ,my husband did we went to church, marriage counseling it helped never happened again.

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Rarely. But they have to want to change for themselves..

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No but with rare exceptions. Generally, no never.

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No they don’t. Almost 6 year survivor here

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No. All the love in the world doesn't change the abuser.

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NO.

Do they really ever change????

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