I was raped several times by the same man in my teens. I eventually got out of that situation and promptly got as far away as I could from the area and the events themselves. I thought I had “gotten over it” about 5 years ago.

Now I’m happily married and we have started trying to have a baby. And suddenly I’m having nightmares I haven’t had in years. I’m jumpy. My skin feels like I want to rip it off. I feel like I’m seeing things in the dark. I can’t even articulate how bizarre my brain has gotten.

And I’m having some serious fears about having another human being continually inside me for the better part of a year. What should be a happy time in my life has spiraled into major stress and is starting to make me dread intimacy with my husband. I know he would understand completely if I told him. But it would break his heart too. And I don’t want to attach those thoughts to thoughts of our (potential) baby. I don’t know what to do at all. I’m trying to see a therapist but I can’t find one where I can afford the copay. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Is this normal for pregnancy?? I just don’t understand why my brain is doing this now?!?