I’m 9 days postpartum and I still shudder looking back on my labor and delivery. There is absolutely nothing about my experience to reminisce about. I liked my doctor and the hospital I attended until now, and I will never, ever be using them again.

I was an optimistic FTM hoping for an all natural birth. I wasn’t 100% against medicine or an epidural but I was pretty confident I could make it through the delivery without any intervention. The last two weeks of pregnancy my blood pressure increased. My baseline the whole pregnancy has been 90/60 and it rose to the 130s/90s. Not terrible but still concerning. I started experiencing headaches, dizziness, and I wasn’t feeling my son move as much either. My doctor thought it was best to schedule an induction for 40 weeks, 1 day.

I did my best the last two weeks to prepare my body and induce labor. I went on walks, saw my massage therapist and chiropractor twice a week, bounced on a peanut ball, etc. Day of induction I went in and unfortunately was 0 centimeters dilated and 30% effaced. I was bummed but tried to stay positive. If labor didn’t progress after a day and my blood pressure was stable, and my son was ok, I wanted to go home and wait until my body was ready.

They started me on a round of Cytotec at 8AM to see if it’d help. After 4 hours of mild contractions, and no progression, they started me on another round of Cytotec. For the most part I was confined to bed; they let me stand by the bedside or use the bathroom but that was it. By 3PM there was still no progress and I was dying of leg cramps from being cooped up. They let me walk the hospital halls for an hour to see if that’d help. My doctor checked me at 4PM and said I was maybe 0.5 centimeters dilated and she wanted to try and insert a foley balloon to expand my cervix.

Worst pain ever. I wasn’t dilated enough so she tried to manually open my cervix with her fingers while trying to shove the catheter up my cervix. I was bleeding and begged her to stop. She gave up and instead placed Cervidil to see if it’d soften up my cervix, as well as started me on a low dose of Pitocin.

By 6PM I started experiencing contractions every 1-2 minutes. I was gritting my teeth but wasn’t ready to accept medicine. This continued till 3AM. The nurse checked me and said I was 70% effaced and maybe 0.75-1 centimeter dilated. CLEARLY, my body was NOT ready for labor. I was done. I wanted to go home. I asked the nurse if I could just wait it out at home. My son’s heart rate looked great and my blood pressure was only 120/80. The nurse said I was having too many contractions back to back and it was too dangerous to leave. Oh how I wish my husband and I got a second opinion.

They removed the Cervidil at 4AM and my doctor attempted to insert the foley balloon a second time. It was WAY worse than the first attempt. Again, she tried tried to manually open my cervix with her fingers while trying to shove the catheter up it. I was screaming in agony and pleading with her to stop. She kept trying and trying and then, WITHOUT MY CONSENT, decided to artificially break my water. AT 0.75CM DILATED AND 70% EFFACED! WHO DOES THAT!?!?

I felt this gush of fluid and watched my doctor, without saying another word, get up and leave, and I didn’t see her for another 12 hours. I felt like nobody cared. I was just another checklist item. I was writhing in pain on the bed, bleeding, fluid pouring out me...My dear husband was standing over me, holding my hand and sobbing (I’m tearing up as I write this, he was so worried about me and was such a trooper. He later admitted he wanted to punch my doctor in the face).

I hadn’t slept in 24 hours and was in so much pain. My husband begged me to get some relief so I gave in and opted for a dose of Stradol. I slept for a solid 2 hours. I labored all the next day from 8AM-4:30PM. They checked me and I was still 1cm dilated but almost fully effaced. My son also moved from -3 station to 0 station. One of the nurses encouraged me to get the epidural because it might relax my body and allow labor to progress faster. At this point, my whole birth plan was trashed and I didn’t care anymore. I was running on 2 hours of sleep, I was starving because they wouldn’t let me eat, I have gastritis and a severe H. Pylori infection which was adding to the pain, and of all things, on my way back from a bathroom break, I accidentally kicked my pinky toe on the bed and my toe nail was hanging off. The unit didn’t have clippers so I just ripped my whole toenail off 😂 I was done. I was also having sharp abdominal pain that was worse than contractions.

The anesthesiologist placed the epidural and it took all the pain away except the abdominal pain. They pushed lidocaine, Fentanyl and two doses of some other drug. I was still gritting my teeth in pain so she moved the epidural and finally I felt relief. No kidding, like 5 minutes later, my nurse told me my son’s heart was deceling. My doctor, another resident and a couple nurses rushed in the room. They placed an internal fetal monitor and internal contraction monitor. My husband said blood was everywhere. I was too dazed to remember. After a couple minutes of monitoring, my son’s heart rate was flat lining, and I was rushed back to the OR for an emergency C-Section.

According to my husband, they cut me open and ripped my son out by his legs - he was blue and purple - the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. They unwrapped the cord and revived him. I didn’t get to see him for a while and too be honest, I didn’t care. I couldn’t stay awake and was shaking uncontrollably. Later my husband got to hold him and he held him beside me as they stitched me up.

We stayed an extra 3 days in the hospital, so a total of 5 days. Lots of ups and downs, but it’s all worth it when I gaze into my son’s face.

Ladies, make sure you KNOW your doctor and the hospital you’re going to. I cannot stress that enough!

Thanks for reading!