He just doesn’t get it

We have a 16 month old, I work part time and he works from home on the days I work and when he’s at work I’m home. This is our way of avoiding daycare.

Tonight we had a big fight because I worked the whole day, before I leave for work I get our daughter dressed, fed, and cleaned up, I feed the animals (a cat and a dog) pack my lunch, wash whatever dishes are left over, wake him up, and leave. He gets to work and watches our daughter while trying to work (a challenge, I know).

When I get home from working all day, the house is a wreak, toys everywhere, dishes in the sink, high chair with food on it from lunch. I greet my daughter and husband and starting picking up and cleaning, then I cook dinner, serve and feed him, serve and feed her, then give her a bath (some times I eat while she is in the tub if I couldn’t fit it in while they eat). I get her dressed and ready for bed, we play for a about an hour then I put her to bed. Then I clean up the kitchen from dinner and get ready for bed myself, then maybe if I’m lucky I get an hour to relax, my husband on the other hand has been relaxing, working out, doing whatever.

Then the next day, I wake up with her do the whole morning routine and he leaves for work. I stay home, I clean the floors, do laundry, dishes, pick up the house, clean the bathrooms and whatever else needs to be done. He comes home and works out, I cook dinner, and it’s the whole night routine again.

The next day I work a half day, but you get the picture.

I feel like I never have any time off. I do all of the chores in the house and my husband thinks it’s fair because I work part time but he doesn’t understand that even when I’m not working I’m working.

He just doesn’t get it.

I never feel appreciated but he’ll comment on our friends wives and how they do everything and bust their asses while their husbands do nothing but he thinks he helps me out a lot. I try to have this conversation with him and he gets mad and defensive and doesn’t listen to what I’m saying.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or if he is. But what I really want is to feel like I’m appreciated. And maybe when I work a full day some chore in the house can be done. I don’t think I’m asking a lot but I feel like he’s asking a lot from me.

Today when we fought he said “you wanted this!” What kind of response is that? He was referring to a our daughter. Which whom he adores. We’re both in our thirties and have been together for 10 years married for 5.