Absolutely gutted :(

Probably going to be long and just a bit of a rant really but I have no one else to truly turn to.

I'm a mum of 4 and married for the last 5 years. We recently moved, husband had a new job, things where going great! Money wasn't a problem properly anymore, like don't get me wrong we have never been well off but we was comfortable and would of been able to start saving properly again. So we started to discuss having another baby a few weeks back, we had it all planned out, I'll get the implant out (booked in for next week) we will let my body adjust, get back to normal etc, save for a newer more reliable car and I wanted to lose some weight and get healthier before having another baby. Everything was so exciting but I suffer from mental health problems, I'm either really high or really low and think about suicide and self harm, I've not hurt myself for over 6 years when I have these low periods as I never want my mental health to impact my children. I think knowing it won't be long till it's over helps. I have seeked help but due to breastfeeding my doctor isn't comfortable putting me on tablets and the waiting list for counselling is over a year long. Any.. I had a really low period and was taking about suicide, my husband took a day off work and explained to his supervisor what was going on, he told my husband to take some time away from work, make sure family matters are ok etc so he did. My husband went back to work and the main manager said he wants to talk to him, he told my husband I don't want to hear your reasons for having this week off on terminating your contract (they can do that with it being a relatively new job and not out the probation period) of course my husband tried to explain what was happening and tried to say the supervisor encouraged him to have the time off, but he wouldn't listen, he said he doesn't care he's terminating his contract and that's final.

So now of course everything isn't going ahead, no more saving for a car, no more trying for a baby, and now my husband's decided he doesn't want to work, he wants to be a stay at home dad and he would like me the one to go to work, ok fine, but I explained if I'm working we won't be able to try for a baby anytime soon as I am looking into apprenticeships instead so atleast one of us has a proper career and can offer a stable income. So he wasn't happy about that either..

Just feel like I'm expected to be the main provider and be the home keeper, and also be able to have kids whenever it suits him. And I know he feels it's my fault he lost his job which hurts too and is probably why I'm trying as hard as I am to start working myself.

Just feel bummed out about it all, things where going so well and I messed it up.