All the announcements just not yours

A YouTuber I follow just posted their pregnancy announcement. Her oldest is the same age as my son, actually a few months younger. She's now cooking her third baby and I'm on CD 2 of cycle 31 I think of TTC#2.

My social media is filled with baby announcements. I almost started crying when I saw a very pregnant Mom chasing after her toddler and preschooler.

I cry just thinking how easily my SIL and cousin got pregnant with their second and oops third babies.

I'm happy for all the people in my life growing their families but heartbroken at the same time that I'm just expected to be okay with all the side comments and questions we constantly get.

I'm feeling so numb. I get myself SO hopeful each month after knowing our timing was perfect. I've lost 50lbs because I was told by two doctors that's likely the issue. Four months ago our RE told me my uterus was picture perfect. My husband still needs to test his damn sperm. I'm praying that will finally get us some answers because I'd rather not get another HSG if his swimmers are the issue.

I just got huge piles of clothes sorted to donate from my weight loss and my dad commented on how sure I was to get rid of my big stuff just in case I need it "you know in case something happens." According to him when I reach my weight loss goal is when it'll happen. That first big goal just happened and no it didn't happen.

It also hasnt happened because I pushed an empty stroller, we got a new bed, I got a new job, we booked a vacation or we took a break from trying. 😒

I just needed to get something's off my mind.