Teen parenting is a lonely heartbreaking world

The very hard lesson learned is without strong morals and ethics, no amount of quality education or top grades or being the star of Athletics means anything. It does nothing if they aren't following the rules and violating them to include breaking the law makes them lose everything they ever worked hard for. It makes it a cold and isolating and lonely world to be the mother of teenagers. I have a 22 year old, an 18 year old (just 3 days ago), 16, 14, 12, 6 and a 19 month old. I had no issues with my 22 year-old but my son just turned 18 on Saturday and 3 days prior to his 18th birthday, as a senior in high school he got caught with two vaping devices in his truck at school that didn't even belong to him. Turns out he does possess some, but he always was leaving them at home and the secrecy of his bedroom. BUT Because he had somebody else's vaping devices in his truck on school property he has now been charged with a Criminal misdemeanor of possession of tobacco of someone under the age of 21. By the grace of God it does not go on his permanent open record because he was still 17. Saturday he turned 18 and I see all the Cockiness and arrogance of the world in him like he doesn't care or it's not a big deal. Had he been 18 this would be on his permanent record as a misdemeanor criminal charge. The school might as well told me they found cocaine in his truck the way they delivered the consequences, and the way the police officer that they called in for it delivered our ticket and mandatory court appearance. I am baffled I am freaked out and I am heartbroken that not only did the school take the measures but that so many of us parents that got called in - we were completely blindsided that the law and the criminal justice system Doles out these consequences for possession of tobacco under the age of 21. I was told that if my son had any college scholarships he has lost all of them because it's a criminal charge & the school told me there is no point in him applying for any further scholarship because he will be denied now that he has a criminal charge on his record and suspension on his school transcript for possession of tobacco. I was told that his acceptance to Oklahoma University may be revoked, because it is a criminal charge and it is on his school record as a suspension for possession of tobacco. I feel like my world has been flipped upside down because then in the process of all this, I learned about a "dab". Wth is a "dab"? According to informants it is a device that delivers THC. He had those in his room too but I guess they belong to somebody else. I only know this because he started pulling things out of his room that he could sell to make up for the fact that he has to pay the Hefty fine when he goes to court. He's angry at the kid that left the Vapes that weren't his truck and he took the fall for it and he's willing to sell that kids things that were stashed in my son's room. Everything about this sucks. The schools I feel like set everybody up for failure because I felt like that they should have always given us warning or even educated the community or the parents that this is how the criminal justice system delivers the consequences now, especially with the new law. That it follows them around permanently. There are 7th graders that got charged with tobacco possession. According to the information the school and the police officer told me - that this means there's just no point in even trying in school from here in out because according to them on their record they have a tobacco possession charge that disqualifies them from any scholarships, ever. I don't know where to find the answers I don't know where to find the proper information and I feel so alone and I feel like I never did anything right with my child. My child that I tried so hard for Quality education who learned to read at an early age who is higher level in math and in school groups of leadership. I learned that none of that even matters when they decide not to be a tickle and moral and follow the laws and rules. So now I still have these other children to raise and I'm gotten to the point that I don't care if they have a D or an F in school as long as they are ethical and moral but it wouldn't matter if they had A's and B's like this eighteen-year-old or was president of FFA or the starting 5 in basketball or class president . Cuz it's just all trash with a tobacco charge. So maybe those kids that I have that are failing and have D's in school will be better people because I have a chance to instill better character. If I can instill some morals and ethics in them and forget about their grades it'll be better. This world sucks. I feel like this school has done nothing but want to set parents and children up for failure rather than educate and try and help set up programs to educate curb this activity before it ruins their lives permanently.

I had all these exciting plans that I've been setting up to celebrate my son's graduation in a few months. Celebrate the success he's had in these leadership groups. Going to people to thank them for being a part of his world the shape him and mold him into the man he has been with all the responsibilities he's been doing. But now I feel like none of that even matters because he was lying and doing wrong things behind the scenes. I'm not saying I hate my son - you always love your kids, but In the Heat of the Moment right now I feel like I'm hating my son and I'm so disappointed in him that I can't even look at him. But he's walking around with his head held high, like he doesn't even care or did anything wrong. It's hard as a parent not to feel like a failure in this situation.

Normally as a parent the practice is Grace for mistakes with my children. But that comes with the children taking accountability and acceptance that what they did was wrong and if they will quit that behavior. This boy that turn into a man a few days ago, isn't taking accountability or responsibility and doesn't appear to be changing his behavior anytime soon. Doesn't help matters any of that now he's completely given up on the idea of college after the school told him in a nutshell, that it's pointless to even try to go to college. So what do you do in this position, do you give up on your child especially because their now an adult? He doesn't even have graduation plans. He doesn't even know where he's going to live after the middle of June. He has no job. And I'm having to move to a different state in the middle of June and I don't know if he's coming with or where he's going. And I'm so upset with him that I just want to completely isolate him away from the rest of my children so he can't influence them. Where did I go wrong? I would have thought he would have come to me and apologized for putting me through having to come to the school and retrieve him from the police, and watch that police officer write a ticket with a mandatory court appearance on it as I had my 19 month old sitting on my lap witnessing all this. I would have thought he would have come home and said sorry and taking ownership and realize what he output and is putting me through with us. I tried to talk to him to see how he felt, to see if you felt any remorse for this. He didn't he just went on like he just got up three days off of school and now there's just no plans in the future and what's the point of anything. I miss my boys being little looking up to their mom and valuing me as a person. Whatever happened but the children just stopped valuing their parents for what they do for them and endure for them and work hard to help them.

If you made it this far thank you for listening to my rant and I'm hoping that this will reach enough people to educate you on how harsh the tobacco possession law is and how detrimental, permanently detrimental it is to killing any future for our children. And this includes if they are between the ages of 18 & 21 yrs old because according to the school and the cop, then it becomes a permanent criminal misdemeanor charge on their record every time a background check is pulled.

Some may ask what the parental influence are in his life. He has a father and a stepmother both vape, that he has visitation with three times a year. His stepfather is military and has been gone for the last year and he used to use chewing tobacco but only behind closed doors because he didn't want the kids to see. But my son's biological father and step mom..... Made Vaping look cool especially when they had the flavors or scents and used to blow the smoke going to their faces so they they could taste and smell it. part of me wants to put some blame on him for making it acceptable and okay but then I blame myself thinking if I would have been a better parent, a stronger influence somehow, my son would have known better and would have known how wrong it is and how wrong his dad and stepmom are.

Spread the word. Protect our kids not just from the negative health affects, because clearly the affects run much deeper 💔😭💔😭💔😭💔😭

Edit add - my son, and the other kids, had their MIRANDA RIGHTS READ to them by the police officer with issuance of these charges & the ticket for the mandatory court appearance, so no this wasn't a school scare tactic. Shit got real 😢 this shit IS real.