Okay, so I'm getting married March 14th.

(A little back story:

My fiance was adopted by his technically Great Aunt. But shes his mom because she adopted him. make sense?

And my fiances birth mom is my fiances grandparents daughter. Sorry if this is confusing.)

Anyways his grandparents, gave him an ultimatum for our wedding.

The grandparents want my fiances birth mom to be at the actual wedding. And that's not what we want(my fiances choice) His birth mom is invited to the reception but not the actual ceremony.

So the ultimatum is that either we let my fiances birth mom come to the wedding or his grandparents arent coming.

And the stupid thing is, that his grandparents cant even text or call us to tell us this. They tell my fiances mom (his great aunt who adopted him), so we have to hear it from her.

So they arent comin, because we dont want his birth mom there. Shes awkward & weird. And shes tryin to play mom now. My fiance is 23, he doesnt need to be babied anymore. His birth mom ALWAYS WITHOUT FAIL signs birthday,Christmas cards her name & then in parentheses (mom). My fiance hates it, hes told her that. So whenever we get a card from her he'll read it out loud at the dinner or whatever and then later throw the card away later.

My fiance isnt mad at his grandparents, hes just disappointed.

And I'm just mad. His grandfather is a control freak & his grandma wont go anywhere without her husband even when she completely disagreed with him. (His grandfather says he has a bad back, that he can barely get up, and that it hurts just to sit in a chair ect ect. Hes missed my fiances last 2 birthday dinners because his back hurt soooo bad. But made it to my fiances little brothers parties. (Their birthdays are a few days apart!!) After all the pain, his grandfather volunteers HARD LABOR JOBS!!! Like construction, working on a farm shoveling shit, stuff like that. But can miss important things when my fiance is involved.)

My fiances birth mom gave him up to his great aunt (his adoptive mom, his birth mom is alway 40 something now and acts like a child. She got married a few months ago to a man she dated for 3 months. They have known each other all their lives but haven't seen or talked to each other in like 30 something years!), because she could'nt find the time of day for him. Wouldn't feed him, change him. She wanted to party, smoke or just sit on her phone with my fiance sitting there crying as a baby. (His family has told me many stories)

I have a feeling that his grandparents are going to text or call him the morning of our wedding and either beg or harass him, so that they can come to our wedding. And I dont want to have to deal with that you know?

My fiances mom & I have been talking about thought that maybe my fiance should text him grandma and say "Hey, I'd really appreciate it if you came to my wedding. It's a special day and I'd like to spend/share it with you."

But also idk if he should say anything because I dont want things to get worse, & have his grandparents freak out and make my fiance mad.

I need advice ladies.

(Also sorry in this is confusing, I tried explaining it the best I could)

EDIT: My fiance doesnt like his birth mom. Wants nothing to do with her. He invited her to the reception to be nice.

Every time he let's her in his life more she always is asking for something (money, borrow our car, get an apartment and give her the spare bedroom ect.) So hes trying to keep her at arms length. Its HIS decision to invite her to the wedding or not. I'm not going to make him invited someone we hith dont like just cause his grandparents want to be assholes. It's his wedding too, he gets a say just like I do. Plus she always has to make EVERY family gathering about her. Examples: her car broke down so now she doesnt know what to do (her dad, my fiances grandfather literally fixed it that day), how her hair is thinning, or how she doesnt know how to cook so itd be nice if someone made her a bunch of food that she could keep in her freezer to eat later ect.