Hello all. I’ve been reading some of these posts and I feel for all of you and what you went through. I wanted to share my story and hope it helps someone else.

In 2009 I had just got out of relationship with a guy that I found out had a bad past. I was always someone that wanted to try and maintain a friendship with my exes and decided to meet up after work (we worked together) to talk. This guy had never abused me or was bad to me, so I didn’t think anything about meeting up with him. My mom had told me to stay away from him, but I didn’t listen and regret that decision everyday. At the time he was living with his sister and when we met up it was at the place he was living. We were finishing up our talk and he went upstairs to use the ‘bathroom’ and I was getting my stuff together to leave. When he came downstairs I told him I was heading out. I gave him a hug and that’s when things went south. He grabbed me hard and wouldn’t let go. I was confused and didn’t know what was going on and then he forced me onto the ground. He had a knife and put it up to my throat and threatened to kill me if I screamed. I was so scared and felt so stupid for putting myself in that situation. He pulled me up off the ground and took me upstairs. He had got some telephone cord and tied it to the bed post near the floor. He tied up my hands and I begged him to stop what he was doing. (I was a virgin, but had fooled around with him with oral stuff in the past when we were together.) He told me that I had been asking him to do this all along and that I really wanted to do it since we had messed around before. I told him I didn’t want this to happen and please stop. He didn’t stop. He took my pants and underwear off and then took his own pants off. He forced himself into me again and again until he got off. He then untied my hands and told me to go to the bathroom to clean myself off. He apologized to me and said he was going to turn himself into the police. (I was so numb from what just happened and just went along with what he said because he still had the knife.) I got dressed and got into the car with him.

I’ve had people question why I did this and here is my reasoning. He still had the knife and I believed him when he said he would kill me. I also thought that if I tried to run he would catch me and it would end badly for me. I did what I did because I wanted to survive.

We got into the car and the police station wasn’t far away, but you had to cross over the interstate to get there. Instead of driving to the police station he got onto the interstate and kept going. He was still threatening that if I did anything to try to get help he would kill me. He told me to take my pants off in the car and then put them in a place I couldn’t reach easily. He did that so I couldn’t get out of he car and run away quickly. We drove for hours. He pulled up at a hotel and got a room. He had me put my pants on and then we went to the room. As soon as we got into the room he pushed me onto the bed and took my pants and underwear again. He raped me a couple more times that night. I just cried and wanted to die. He told me he wanted to get me pregnant to have something to remember him by as well, so he never used any kind of protection. At one point he had me get on top of him and I was hurting so bad, so I didn’t do what he was wanting me to do. He put the knife on my leg and started cutting my leg to get me to do what he wanted. It wasn’t deep, but I got the message. We got back into the car the next day and he kept driving south. He said he was going to take me to Florida. We lived in Kentucky when this all started. We made it to Florida in that second day and he got another hotel room. We went in and he did the same thing with my pants and underwear. He raped me more times and then he decided he needed to go out. At that point he trussed me up like an animal (hands and feet tied behind me) and gagged me. He said when he got back if it looked like I had tried to get out then it would be bad for me. I laid on that bed and cried and prayed to God to help me. He got back and had alcohol and forced me to drink and have sex with him. He threatened to whore me out to other men so he could get money and even threatened to kill me and feed me to crocs if I didn’t listen to him. He eventually decided to take us home after I told him I wouldn’t report him to the police. I’ll never forget what he said about that, ‘You know if you turn me in I’ll eventually get out and I’ll come after you.’ I believed him, but after finally getting back home and talking to my family I pressed charges against him. He kept me for three days. I thankfully didn’t get pregnant and didn’t receive any STIs or STDs.

When I tried to tell police and prosecutors what had happened nobody believed me. They thought that I had consented and then regretted doing it, so I was just saying he raped me. He only got charged with Sexual assault for what he did to me. It’s been 11 years, but I still struggle with everything. I still have flashbacks and I can’t trust men easily. I have found a good man who knows what I went through and respects me if I say no to something. We have two beautiful boys as well.

I know this is long, but if you read this far thank you. I know that we all go through tough times, but if you can become strong for yourself and have a good support system then you can get through anything life throws at you.