I wish we were partners.

And i wish i was strong enough finally leave you. But you always stop me. Every single time you trap me with your sweet words.

So my boyfriend, who is not very religious, as he drinks and never prays, suddenly insists me to wear a hijab. I have told him countless time that i dont want to, but he says since i am his no one else needs to see me. This is so fucked up. I like looking good. I do it for myself. And no one gets to tell me what to do. We had arguments, he agreed he will let me decide what i want to do untill we are married and slowly we come back to the same thing where i am not allowed to wear what i want to even when i am out with him.

I am also not allowed to go out with my guy friends (we always go in groups) but suddenly my bf thinks i shouldnt hangout with my friends of four years. But i still do. I lie to him. He says he will break up with me if i go out with my guy friends. Thats what ppl do when they are forced to do something. They lie.

Not to mention the first time i met him he was impressed by the fact that i dont wear hijab sometimes because i get to decide what i want to do. He says he wants his sisters and all the women to be strong and make their own decision. Yet he yelled at his yongest sister for not wearing hijab to get stuff from literally 3 meters outside the house. What is this level of hypocrisy?? Where you want them to make their decision and at the same time they dont get to choose if they want to wear a hijab or not.

Moreover, he knew i broke up with my ex because he too had issues with my friends. And he told me it did bother him but i am worth ignoring all of that, suddenly i am not. It is so suffocating. I CAN'T WAIT TO FINALLY BREATHE..