day 5, 12 hours of sleep.

hi everyone... i had my son on the 7th and he is PERFECT i'm so in love with him💕 he's a really good newborn so far and i'm so grateful for my s/o and mom for helping as much as they can...

The problem is that i cant let them help as much as i want to... my anxiety is so so so bad about everything. i haven't eaten a meal yet. i haven't slept for more than 2 hours at a time.

i know they say "sleep when baby sleeps" but my god..... i just cant do it, i'm horrified to sleep, in fear that once i do, THATS when something is going to go wrong..

last night my s/o told me to get some sleep while he watched our son, i fell asleep but an hour and a half later i wake up to the baby crying in his bassinet marinating in his pee- meanwhile, my s/o is passed out and didnt notice a thing.. i FREAKED out on him for it and for the fact that now i feel like i have even less trust in others and their ability to watch my son and take car of him?

but i also felt horrible for how i acted out because my s/o works stupid and long shifts at work and he was genuinely just trying the "sleep when baby sleeps" but he also knew full well that he does NOT wake up when the baby cries, just me... it felt unfair.. idk..