First off let me start by saying that I know it was the right decision for my family at this time. My husband and I heavily weighed the options and agreed this was the best route for us. It's not that I regret terminating, but I'm still upset about it.

I had a medical abortion about a month ago. The anxiety of making the phone call for the appointment was harder for me to deal with than the actual procedure. The women in the clinic were awesome, kind, compassionate, and absolutely non-judgmental. Everything went as smoothly as it could have. The cramping wasn't awful, and the bleeding was only really heavy for the first 2 days and had stopped completely by day 8 or 9. Although it wasn't horrific, it wasn't pleasant, and it was emotionally draining and physically pretty tiring also.

Afterwards, I felt relieved, the anxiety was gone, and I didn't feel guilty about my decision. But I did feel sad and that sadness still hasn't gone away. I want another baby. I miss being pregnant. Every now and then I just get hit with this wave of sadness and loneliness. My relationship with my husband is suffering. I can't tell if he's noticed. He just doesn't understand. He was great and supportive the first day, but expected me to bounce back after that and I feel like he never really understood what I went through physically or emotionally. The sadness didn't really hit until I wasn't feeling pregnancy symptoms anymore. No one knows I was pregnant, I don't want to deal with the judgement, and so I don't have anyone to talk to about it. As a typically pretty outgoing person, I feel like I'm withdrawn, especially around him, and I'm afraid our relationship isn't going to recover.

I hope we will have another baby someday, but deep down I am afraid "someday" isn't ever going to come. If that turns out to be the case, I will feel guilty and resentful about our decision.

I'm sure these feelings will pass with time and eventually I will be back to my old self again, I just hope it's soon and that I can make it through October (when I would have been due) without crumbling again.