Have you ever thought of suicide?

Question

I’m just wondering if anyone else has thought of suicide i go on all the sites and they all say I’m not alone. I think about a lot that I would rather just be dead than living but sometimes I can go a few days or weeks without thinking about it and I feel happy but then something will happen and I just want to die. Especially now since I’m isolated I’m just down and don’t want to be here. I’m probably depressed but I suffer with really bad anxiety so I’m to embarrassed to go to the doctor or to seek help from family or friends

Answer

Absolutely but if I had I’d have missed out on sooo much. I was in the darkest place I’ve ever been. I moved across the country on a complete whim to escape my abusive ex. I thought if I killed myself where my family wouldn’t find the body I would feel less guilty about doing it. I didn’t do it. Instead I got a wonderful job. I met the love of my life. I got pregnant with a baby girl. I moved into a nice house in the woods. Every dream I’ve had is coming true this year. This isn’t the first time either it crossed my mind and I chose not to. Each time eventually life got better. 
Online counseling helped with my major anxiety and depression. You can just text or do video calls if you are comfortable. It really helps to get help and to talk to someone. I know everyone says they’re there and it doesn’t feel like it or people tell you it will get better but it doesn’t feel like it. It’s tough being alone. You just have to really push positive affirmations and find that thing you want to fight for

Answer

I think most people think about it to some extent. Even the youth pastor at my church has been open about his struggles with it. He has a great wife and 4 beautiful kids, but he says that sometimes he just thinks “the world would be better without me.” He knows that’s not true, but it’s a returning thought for him. 
I have honestly thought about it too. I don’t think I could ever truly go through with it because I have lost 2 brothers to suicide, and it is absolutely devastating. 
A lot of times when people think of it, they think they will be able to see how people react and how many people cry over them and miss them. But that’s just not how it works. 
Please know you are not alone. I have found reaching out to the suicide hotline helpful. There is no shame in that. You can remain completely anonymous and just talk to someone until you feel better. 
My husband (at the time boyfriend) is the only person who knows about my struggles with depression and anxiety. I wrote him a note to tell him about it because I suck at actually talking about stuff like that. It did feel good once he knew about it and would check on me.

Answer

Most people have wished they were dead or wished they could go to sleep and not wake up at some point in life. 
But if that’s a recurring thing for you, you need to get help. If you had diabetes you’d see a doctor. If you had cancer you’d see a doctor. Depression is a debilitating illness and you need to see a doctor. Ain’t no shame in that.

Have you ever thought of suicide?

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