I ran away from everything

Hey guys, I would like to share my story. I recently ran away from everything. When I was 18, I decided I wouldn’t live with my dad anymore. He was an alcoholic, physically and emotionally abusive. My stepmom also was horrible. She yelled at me, called me ugly, fat, and told me that i stole my dad away from her and that she hates me. My mom was in and out of the picture. She was awful to me when I was young and, from her history of drug abuse, damaged her brain severely. It’s hard for us to have a relationship because mentally, she will always be about 16. I had no one. Only my boyfriend at the time.

For awhile everything went well. We genuinely were in love in the beginning. I lived w him and his family and although they didn’t like me, they respected our relationship. He was Mexican, and his mother had an image of what he would like her sons future wife to be and, I, a white girl, wasnt that.

About 6 months before I left, Johnny (my bf) changed. He started to realize I was wrapped around his finger. He would treat me horribly and then say things like ‘what are you gonna do, move out?’ He knew that I had nowhere and no one. I cried and begged my dad to come home several times and he would tell me that I needed to ask my stepmom. I’d ask her and she would bluntly tell me no. She did not care that I was hurting, that I made a mistake and refused to listento my situation. I felt so lost.

One day I was watching a tv show and the character bought a bus ticket and left to start a new life. I sat there thinking, ‘if only I could do that.’ Then I realized that I was 19. Why didn’t I? I guess at the time I never thought that I could live on my own. So that’s what I did. I worked over time, started cashing all of my checks and withdrawing all the money from my bank in secret. I kept a tampon box hidden in our bathroom closet behind bottles of shampoo and rolls of toilet paper. I started trying to absorb every moment with Johnny because I knew that once I got a certain amount of money, I would leave. Although once I had formulated this idea, I began to hate Johnny and despise spending time with him. I wanted to scream and yell and throw things at him hut, I bit my tongue and kept quiet. I waited for the perfect opportunity. Johnny had a weekend fishing trip coming up and I planned on leaving that weekend. I packed about 2 big backpacks full of my stuff, and was ready to leave. I left Johnny $500 in cash and even wrote him a letter thanking him for everything, even though it wasn’t sincere. I knew he would regret the way he treated me and he didn’t need me to rub that in his face.

So, there I was, scared, alone on a bus traveling two cities over. I called my mom and my best friend and explained what I was doing. My best friend understood and supported me. My mom of course, didn’t but I have patience for her and listened to her judgement. She’s the only one I will let speak to me in that manner because she is my everything. Though she has mental illness she still managed to apologize for everything and explained how we will fix our relationship. My dad never did.

Moving out was difficult but I survived. Unfortunately I jumped from motel to motel and even slept on the streets the first few months. I found a cheap motel for $25 a night. I stayed long term there and got a job as a waitress. I saved all my money and ate Mac and cheese and rice for every meal. I took the bus everywhere and struggled like this for almost a year. I spent my birthday alone. My mom and my siblings called me, as well as my best friend so, it wasn’t all bad. Eventually I got an apartment for very cheap and then a few months later finally got my license and a beat up old car. But god himself knows how grateful I was. Eventually I was able to get Sunday’s off and I went to church every single Sunday. I also quit my waitressing job and got a job at Walmart and the pay was great, and finally got on my feet again. I was supporting myself and I didn’t rely on anyone. I am also going to school to become a nursing assistant and the schooling is short and it’s almost over. I can’t even express how grateful I am.

Some of you reading this may wonder why I shared this story. I want women everywhere experiencing abuse to know that you are not alone. It is difficult to get away from the abuse. There were so many times I doubted myself and thought that I couldn’t do this, but I did. I want to share my story in hopes that someone somewhere will read my story and finally have the courage to leave her abusive home and get out on her feet again. You are worth it and you matter.