This person went to my church. When I was around 7 or 8 he told me we could be friends if I did things he was much older in his late teens. I did. For year I lost sleep would have panic attacks when I saw him felt confused as to if I chose to it wasn't abuse. Was angry and depressed mad that I did those things felt dirty embarrassed he trick me and hated myself for allowing it to happen. After over to ten years I saw him back at the same church. I was surprised he was there. I sat there grown, still angry hurt afraid and embarrassed but talk myself into approaching him

I was afraid he wouldn't remember what he did to me what he ask me to do to him I was afraid that I could be makeing what had been bigger then it had been. But I reassure my self. I walk up and said years ago when I was to young you did this to me and it made me feel this way. He said he didn't remember. I said well you did but it's ok because I'm ok now, I was mad and hurt for a while but I'm ok now. Whole time im shaking and scared someone will here me say these things to him.

I regret telling him its ok because im no ok it's not ok

When I see men that look like him at a glance I get nervous and scared. I still hate that part of me that didn't tell that was too sacred and went with him because I wanted friends. I dont want a do over I never want to see him again.