I don’t know where to start little one. I run this thru my head every time this happens. Your mommy and daddy wanted you. We tried long and hard to make you. Your grandparents wanted you. Even your big sissy was saying you were a little brother. I had dreams and images of holding you with your sisters kissing your head while you snuggled in tight. I smiled with every nausea moment and kept telling myself the sore boobs were worth it. Everything would be worth it when we got to hold you and our family would be complete.

Yet we are here waiting for me to pass you. Knowing your little heart is getting weaker inside me I struggle thru the symptoms that are still lingering around. I try not to cry when I feel like I’m going to puke and I can’t get comfortable because my chest hurts. And I cry harder when I put my hand on my stomach and reassure you as your heart rate slows... you were wanted. You are and will always be loved.

This never gets easier. I tell people with every loss it does but it’s a lie I tell them to keep back the sympathetic looks and comments... you were wanted. You are and will always be loved.

All I ask is once you are up in heaven with your siblings you hold them and snuggle up to them. You look down on us and always remember you were wanted.

Our family will always have a hole and a piece missing where you were supposed to be. At family gatherings and pictures I’ll always imagine you in them. Smiling and surrounded by the people that love you. You were wanted more than anything in this world little one.

Some day I will get to see you and hold you. But until that time comes hold your siblings in heaven and remind them everyday they were also wanted. Until then. Mommy loves you.